What is Normal?

Time for a rant. This one might be appreciated by those who work in retail, or paint or they’re renovating. Or it might not but here I go.

Pursuing a career like acting and stand up comedy whilst being a dad and paint salesman can be very tiring. I’m trying to work at 4 different part time jobs. The part that makes it particularly stressful is when the only one offering a regular and reliable income is the one I don’t want anymore. The hours there eat into the hours needed to make the others start producing income. But the regular income is kind of necessary for things like food, rent and school fees, food, clothes, food, etc, etc, et-bloody-c!

I have to say though, that as far as day jobs go, my part time in this particular paint shop is pretty good and I’ve worked in a few over the years.  Ten in fact, over a 23 year period. Even though my current bosses are pretty much computer illiterate and there is stuff all chance of them reading this, I still have nothing bad to say about them. Well, not a lot.

What does really get to me some days though is dealing with the general public. Some people out there are really thick. Now I mean no offense to those of you who don’t fit into this category but for those who do, you probably don’t even know I’m talking about you, dumbarse.

I have to admit that for a little while I was going through an angry phase and would just randomly yell “People are stupid!” I was starting to hate my job, my workmates and people in general. To most of you I now say don’t worry, I’m over it. To the rest I say, It was your fault I was like that!

This is the part where I ask, can anybody please tell me What The F@#& is “NORMAL” in regard to anything. It is the most common word I hear and I now have a deep seated resentment for the word.

“Good morning. How may I help you?”

“I need some paint for a feature wall”

“How much paint do you need?”

“I don’t know!”

“No worries, I can work that out for you. How big is the wall?”

“NORMAL.”

“Is that NORMAL for a toilet in a commission flat or NORMAL for the ballroom at Buckingham Bloody Palace?”

Or

“What size tin do you need?”

“NORMAL”

What size tin is abnormal?

Or

“I need 4 litres of this colour”

“No worries. What type of paint were you after?”

“Normal”

Now I don’t expect people to everything about all paints. I know I don’t. If they did know then there is no need for me to have a job. But my next question is often:-

“Is that NORMAL inside paint or NORMAL outside paint?”

I can’t believe the number of times I hear “What’s the difference?” after that.

I did get a bit of a frown from one of my bosses once for replying to that with “Well, if it’s raining and you’re outside you will get wet. If you’re inside you won’t”

“Do you want a gloss finish or a low sheen finish?

“What do people NORMALLY use?’

“If people only used one the paint companies wouldn’t make both!”

So if anyone out there can help to make my day job easier, please forward the dimensions of a normal house, NORMAL walls and what size is a normal tin.

For anyone needing these NORMAL things during my shift this Saturday, I’m sorry I can’t help you. We are only selling ABNORMAL paint this weekend in OBSCURE size tins that can only be used on TRAPEZOID shaped walls!

Advertisements